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hypnodoula.se | On a break from streaming❤ Still posting & available to chat on OnlyFans though! hypnodoula.se my best lifes Profilbild. 45 Beiträge - Sieh dir Instagram-Fotos und Videos von #'kdwow' an. Profilbanner für kdwow. Avatar für kdwow GAMING + PS5 EVENT. Just Chatting. Aktuelle Highlights von kdwow. Videolänge. The psychiatric wards at Columbia have all been converted to beds for COVID patients, one psychiatrist tells NPR. "That means," he says, "we have no place. Etsy verwendet Cookies und ähnliche Technologien, um dir ein besseres Nutzungserlebnis zu bieten und u. a. Folgendes zu ermöglichen: grundlegende.

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Deine Datenschutzeinstellungen. Um dir ein optimales Nutzungserlebnis zu bieten, setzen wir Cookies und ähnliche Technologien für verschiedene Zwecke ein. The psychiatric wards at Columbia have all been converted to beds for COVID patients, one psychiatrist tells NPR. "That means," he says, "we have no place. Mit Standort twittern. Du kannst deine Tweets vom Web aus und über Drittapplikationen mit einem Standort versehen, wie z.B. deiner Stadt oder deinem.

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The trips stopped. The breaks between beatings became shorter and shorter, until every day was a beating for one reason or another, always my fault.

I only really remember some of the worse beatings. One day, she smacked me across the head so hard she smashed my glasses into the side of my head and one of the lenses popped out from the force of the blow.

I fell to the floor. She kicked me in the stomach til I was gasping for air, kicked me in the ribs mercilessly until I stopped crying.

Another time she choked me until I blacked out, I thought I was dying and actually prayed to God that time.

I apologized to God for not having done anything meaningful with my life before dying. The only time I was allowed to leave was for doctor appointments and I was never out of her sight.

I thought of telling the doctor sometimes but she always told me how no one would believe me since I hardly ever had marks on me. She was very good at avoiding evidence most of the time.

She brought home food for me to eat. It was the same thing every time. Frozen pizza and hot pockets. For 5 years every day just frozen pizza or hot pockets.

Sometimes she would bring me treats like burgers or other kinds of fast food that I loved. Once a week she would let me call my family. Most days she either kept my phone or told me she would find out if I called them without her permission and would be punished.

I had pretty much given up on escape by this point anyway. I was too depressed most days to even care anymore about my life. I lived for the good days, for the days where she treated me like a princess.

I lived for the puppy she had let me get to keep me company. My chihuahua named Emma. It was just me and her most days.

Me and her alone in the world. She was and still is everything to me. Every time I thought of dying i would just look at her little face and grab her in my arms crying and kissing her apologizing for even thinking of leaving her with that monster….

One of the biggest issues facing trauma survivors is the task of moving on from their abuse or trauma. I get asked all the time how I moved on and how I have been able to live a full and happy life without any therapy for my trauma.

For me it all came down to one choice: Hold on to the anger and hate and let them win or be happy despite all they have tried to do to bring me down.

That they may have had power over me once but they never will again. It is certainly the only thing that allows me to go on every day without re-living every bit of the damage they inflicted on me.

I will always cherish my time at Twitch, and I plan to stream again there eventually. Twitch can be where I go to spend time just as old KDwow did, the girl who just wanted to play games and talk to the world.

I can still use Twitch as another platform to spread my message of mental health awareness and suicide prevention.

I can reach a younger audience and give them hope that things can get better and that killing yourself is never the answer, that they are never alone as long as I am alive.

I try not to plan too far into the future. Hopefully i will continue to thrive but there is always the possibility that I will end up institutionalized or fall victim to suicide.

I try to live one day at a time. However, I am confident that Twitch will be a part of my life for a long time. I am going to continue to stream on Chaturbate every day unless I need a day off for something urgent.

I will continue to spread my message and to promote happiness and health and open communication when people are hurting. I will always leave my messages open through KDwow.

I always will advise people to seek the help of a mental health professional depending on the severity of their issues, but until they are ready to do that I will be there for support.

I will be there for support either way, and not just for mental illness, but for meaningful human connection.

Sometimes all someone needs is to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel safe, to have someone to share their story with.

I can do that. Those dreams I had as a little kid, the dreams of saving people, finally make perfect sense to me.

Not only was I always meant to save people, but I actually have the ability to save them. I have already helped so many people and that is all I have ever wanted in life.

As long as I am able, I will be here for all of you in one way or another, and that is a promise I know I can keep. Then something happened by chance that would change my life completely.

One of her coworkers came over to the house one night. I was playing World of Warcraft on my laptop, one of the only things I found enjoyment in those days.

He mentioned something called Twitch. He told me about how all I had to do was stream the gameplay in front of a camera and talk to people and people would play games with me and I could make friends.

He had me at talking to people. I sold the idea to my abuser. I showed her how much money some of the streamers on Twitch were making and told her that could all be hers.

It was nothing short of a miracle. The first few streams I was nervous and hardly said anything at all.

Then I started getting one regular viewer. I lived for the chance to talk to him every day and was so happy to have him in my life. Slowly the amount of regular viewers increased.

Not only did they want to talk to me and play games with me but they always told me how beautiful I was, how fun and funny I was.

They made me feel all the things that she never wanted me to feel. I was starting to learn to love things about myself. Every day my reason for waking up was to stream on Twitch.

I would get to stream every night at 7pm which was when she went to work her night shift at the psychiatric hospital. I got 8 full hours to spend with these wonderful new people I had in my life.

I got to be my free self for all those hours. Well, almost. I still feel guilty sometimes about not being honest with my community during this time, these people who I loved so much.

This was a new way for me to avoid most of the beatings. Also this made it so that almost all of my waking hours were filled with fun and happiness instead of abuse, fear, and heart-wrenching sadness.

This new routine continued for over a year. There were bumps along the way. Fights during which she would try to break my computer or threaten to not let me stream anymore.

Somehow I managed to convince her otherwise every time. My trust for my community and my love for them grew every day. Eventually, after one very scary fight during which a knife was involved I decided to tell some of them what was happening to me.

I took a huge risk and sent ten of my viewers messages on battle net. I told them what had been happening and waited for their responses. They all told me the exact same thing.

I called my mom in secret one day during a bathroom break during my allotted streaming hours. I told her no matter what I say, no matter if I change my mind, do not listen to me.

Come and take me home please. One week later she did. She flew 3, miles and arrived in the middle of the night with a decent sized rental car and we fit all we could inside.

I was so happy i would get to take my gaming computer with me. Nothing else really mattered. She drove me across the whole country.

She was there to hold me when I did feel like telling her things and she made me feel so much better. Even though I had gotten away I still was terrified.

What if she tried to hurt my family? My mom said not to worry about such things and that I was safe now. I tried so hard to believe her.

During my first month home it was so hard for me to remember how to make decisions for myself. I asked permission for everything.

My life had been so planned out in California and it had actually become comfortable. This new freedom came with mixed emotions of discomfort and tentative happiness.

My community finally got to meet the real Katie. I was my full true self. I told them everything and how happy I was to be free and to be able to provide them with the streams they deserved to have for all they had done for me.

I told them from now on I will be my true honest self always, no matter the consequences I would never lie to them again. I have kept that promise to this day.

Living as my true honest self got me into trouble sometimes and I was made fun of and ridiculed but it never mattered,.

The important thing is that I was being myself. Everyone who liked me I knew that they liked me for who I really was and not someone I was pretending to be.

Knowing how much they loved the real me helped me learn to love myself. I streamed for another few months on Twitch, during which I had the most fun i had ever had my entire life.

They were and always had been my everything. The were my friends, my lovers, my therapists. They filled all the missing parts of me that I thought i had lost forever.

I will be grateful for Twitch and the people I met there for the rest of my life.

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